How can we build our children's self-confidence?

Are you not very self-confident yourself? Then it would benefit both you and your children if you worked on your self-esteem. Because our children naturally see us as role models. As a result, they also unconsciously pick up our behavior and adopt them. Do you show them that you stand up for yourself when someone treats you disparagingly (and when it’s just a stupid comment from a family member)? Then they are more likely to learn to claim for themselves that they are treated with respect.

Believes that there are two things that promote self-confidence in children: 

  1. that the child is recognized and really seen by someone for who it is and 
  2. that the child experiences how it can itself contribute something for others, so that it feels itself to be valuable to others.

Does your child feel loved and accepted? Here we are at first point. Because criticism and harsh words in turn reduce the self-confidence of our children. If you want to make sure that your love will also reach your child and that they will feel loved all round, then you are definitely interested in the five languages ​​of love.

As described above, we should show our children that we value their opinion. Even if there are conflicts with each other, you can try to negotiate with the child how to come to an agreement. Because a conflict that has been successfully resolved together is again a registered success for the self-confidence account.

Trying out new things makes you strong and gives you confidence in your own abilities. Because then there are more and more experiences in which you have proven yourself again. Especially in the vacation area, children can gain a sense of achievement and experience themselves as competent. This is especially important for children who do not have that many success stories in school.

Basically, the setting of the dynamic self-image helps to promote self-confidence. Children who assume that a mistake does not mark them as “failure” but gives them an opportunity to grow are more likely to experience themselves as self-effective. You can then actively design strategies to turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. 

What can you do now?

  • Work on your self-esteem if necessary. Practice standing up for yourself and your opinion in situations in which you would usually have simply ignored a stupid remark and swallowed it. You are important! And showing that to the world helps your children too!
  • Fill your children’s “love memory” every day. A child who feels completely loved and accepted as it is has strong support. This in turn enables him to fearlessly try new things with the security of being caught in an emergency.
  • Ask your children for their opinion on important things. Show them that you take their opinion seriously, in order to let them have a say in an age-appropriate framework. But be careful! It’s not about letting the children decide, because that in turn has a negative effect.
  • Try out new things together (especially as a substitute for media consumption!). Maybe a new club? A new hobby? Like playing with positive affirmation cards, so they can learn through fun. Do you have a “leaflet” with regional campaigns by associations or something similar? There are often taster offers or individual campaigns that you can take part in free of charge. Or do something yourself that you would otherwise have bought (there are instructions for everything on the internet).
  • Teach your children that mistakes aren’t bad, they’re human. A mistake is not a reason to question yourself completely, but an opportunity to learn. If this is difficult for you to accept for yourself, then talk to your child about it. Tell him that mistakes are not bad, but that you are just about to learn that yourself because you have not yet internalized it yourself.
  • Avoid comparing your child with others. Not even with his siblings (I know that is difficult, such comparisons always slip out of my mind). Every child stands for itself and is a wonderful individual. Teach your children that it is their progress that matters, not the bottom line. If you keep getting a little better, then you are on the right track. Fewer mistakes than in the last dictation are a reason to be pleased, even if the grade may not (yet!) Be the desired one! Or a situation without an outburst, in which someone is otherwise preprogrammed…
  • Let your children help you so that they can experience how they make an important contribution to family life. 

I hope you enjoy trying out the tips! I would be happy if I could help you and your children a little to increase self-confidence!

All the best!